


love (is like a sin)

by momentsinlove



Series: the devil makes us sin [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe, BDSM, Boxing, Cheating, Choking, Dirty Talk, Fighting, John is Kind of a Dick, M/M, Rough Sex, Spit As Lube, Violence, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 20:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6721708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsinlove/pseuds/momentsinlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John likes to fight. He finds someone who is willing to fuck him up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love (is like a sin)

**Author's Note:**

> so...this happened. I don't really know what to say. But here we are. Also if you wanna come shout at me on tumblr or twitter, you can find me @ loversoutoftime. Thanks! 
> 
> (comments/kudos are great. Also lemme know if there are mistakes)
> 
> also, there is going to be more to this series so...yeah.

John likes to fight.

Actually that's an understatement, John loves to fight. He loves to feel the first few punches land on his ribs, knuckles across his cheek. It fires him up and he's ready, unleashes whatever anger he has on some poor sap who never saw it coming.

John always wins, no matter how fucked up he is when he limps home. He's always proud when he looks at Alexander, left eye already swollen shut and Alexander takes good care of him, always looks out for him. John is proud to at least lick his lips and taste the blood and to say, "Yeah I look like shit Alex but you should've seen the other guy. I got him good."

John wins until he doesn't. 

__

Alexander tells him it's healthier to take up fighting as a hobby and hands over the boxing flyer. John snorts and he knows it's just cos Alexander is tired of worrying and tired of helping to bail him out of jail. Which John is also tired of, being booked on assault charges for fights he didn't start. 

So he thinks about it for a week, decides to show up to the gym, hood on his jacket up as he walks in. There's a couple of guys around and they all stop and stare. Talk amongst themselves and it is too low for John to hear but it pisses him off anyway. Wants to yell, 'if you've got something to say, fucking say it' but he doesn't.

He's suddenly blocked by a figure and John looks up, sees a mass of curls and a brilliant smile staring down at him. It makes John's stomach curl because fuck. That's exactly what he wants. Fight or fuck. Fight and fuck, it's all the same to John.

"I'm Lafayette. You are new no?" Lafayette says and extends his hand, John taking it. It's nice and firm, John likes that. He trusts people who knows how to handshake. 

"John. John Laurens. I was interested in fighting. I want to get my anger out and my…friend well he says I should do it in a healthy way," John says and he watches Lafayette's lips quirk up, clearly amused.

"Well we should see what you are capable of. Come on." Lafayette leads him to the back, a couple of bags hanging from the ceiling. Lafayette goes to grab a pair of gloves, putting them on John's hands and tightens them, asks, "How do they feel?"

"Good, really good," John answers and Lafayette steps back, looks at John and says, "Hit it." John doesn't hesitate and he thinks about all the shit he's been called, fights like he has nothing to lose. He isn't even sure what kind of noises he's making but he doesn't care, it feels so good. 

"Stop," Lafayette says and John does, realizes how loud his breathing is, his heartbeat thudding in his chest. His hair falls into his eyes and he reaches with his arm and pushes it back and looks to Lafayette. Lafayette grins and takes a stop closer, squeezes John's shoulder.

"You fight like a man possessed. You could use some training but there's something there. Welcome Mister Laurens," Lafayette says and John grins. He's found his place.

__

He tells Alexander about his day when they are together that evening. John talks about the lesson he had with Lafayette, how Lafayette thinks John can legit fight, not just train in the gym but actually have opponents. Alexander looks worried and takes John's hand, kisses it.

"I don't want you to get hurt, I mean I've already been there after drunken fights, I don't want someone to beat the shit out of you in a ring," Alexander says and John laughs.

"Nah I'm going to win, I'm going to make money from this, just trust me. I'm going to be so good," John says.

It's all John has to say and Alexander is kissing him, hands under John's shirt and the bruises are finally gone, but John misses them. He misses the way Alexander's fingers will accidentally press against the purple marks and then apologize when John hisses. But John wants to feel the pain. He gets off on it. 

They stumble back to the bedroom, Alexander stripping them both naked, kisses down John's body and looks up at him, takes John's cock into his mouth and sucks like his life depends on it. John's moans and grabs a fistful of Alexander's hair, bucks into Alexander's perfect mouth. He likes it rough and Alexander lets him, loosens his throat and allows it to happen.

John comes after a couple of minutes, slams his dick so far down he can feel Alexander's throat constrict, almost gags. John pulls away and Alexander has tears on his cheeks but he smiles and pulls himself up on the bed, kisses John. Ruts against John's hip and groans, John kissing his neck, whispering, "Fuck come on, hurry up already. Fucking come beautiful."

It's enough and Alexander comes in spurts across John's stomach, nails digging into John's arms and he knows John likes that. Likes when he leaves marks on John's skin. 

Alexander collapses and holds onto John, kisses John's chest, whispers, "I love you."

John smiles, strokes Alexander's hair and says, "I love you too."

__

John enjoys the days when he trains, it's a release he looks forward to from a job he hates. Lafayette is a welcome sight, always in tight sweatpants, cut off tank top that shows off his biceps and John shouldn't look at him that way but he does. 

They train for a few hours, John going a couple of rounds with the others at the gym, always happy to face a real person and not just a punching bag. It keeps him on his toes. He's getting even better but that doesn't mean he still doesn't make mistakes. He slips up one night and the other guy gets a good punch to his face.

It hurts like shit and John drops to his knees, the blood dripping down. Lafayette is there breaking it up, rag in hand to stop the bleeding. He helps John to the bathroom to clean him up, helps him to rinse his mouth out. John spits pink water into the sink and runs his tongue over his lip. He has missed the taste of blood and so has his dick.

He looks to Lafayette who looks incredibly beautiful even under shitty florescent lights. John tells himself not to kiss him but he goes for it anyway. Thinks about it a second too late but wonders, 'what if he isn't even gay?'

He thinks about getting his ass kicked for the kiss but Lafayette holds him close, slips his tongue into John's mouth and presses their bodies togethers. It's electrifying John thinks. He forgets about anything else, just wants to feel Lafayette's hands on his body, pinning him against the cold porcelain of the sink. 

John works his hands into Lafayette's sweats, pulls his cock out and moans, drops to his knees and ignores the crack of pain that spreads through them at hitting the tiles so hard. He takes Lafayette's cock into his mouth and sucks like his life depends on it. Lafayette laughs, grabs a fistful of hair and says, "You look good on your knees." 

John sucks until Lafayette's come hits the back of his throat and he pulls back, thinks about spitting but swallows, coughs at the bitter taste. Lafayette snorts and pulls him, just kisses the taste away and says, "We go again. If you win your next fight, well maybe you'll get your dick sucked."

John wins and gets more than that, has Lafayette's fingers in him working him to orgasm in the back of John's car and it's fucking fantastic.

He only feels guilty when he's home and Alexander is watching him with dark eyes, says, "You are home kind of late." 

John glances at the time on the microwave and yeah, it's a lot later than he actually expects it to be. He winces and goes to sit with Alexander, kisses Alexander's cheek and says, "Training went a little longer, I wanted to work on a couple of things. I'm sorry, I will be here with you tomorrow, promise."

Alexander softens under John's touch, always does. John kisses him and Alexander traces John's bottom lip, touches the bruise on his cheek. He doesn't say anything but John can see the disappointment and worry. He turns away, doesn't want to fight Alexander, no he's done that before. It didn't end well. 

Alexander holds John, kisses his ear and says, "Let me warm up dinner for you. Go and take a shower." 

John does as he is told an come back to eat dinner with Alexander, puts his feet in Alexander's lap and when he's done, he closes his eyes and thinks of Lafayette's smile in the car, hair falling into his eyes and John knows, it's only the beginning. 

__

It becomes routine. John trains three times a week, sucks Lafayette's dick after they are done and lets Lafayette return the favor. John finds himself craving it when he's not at the gym, finds himself not thinking about Alexander when he's not home. He's all John used to think about, couldn't wait to get home and now? He thinks of the gym, wants to be shoved into the boxing ring and fucked hard, wants to feel Lafayette's fists on his body.

John knows Alexander can feel something is wrong but he doesn't say anything. He lets John do what he wants. He doesn't put up a fight and John is grateful. So they do a dance of avoidance, John not thinking about Alexander. It's wrong, he's a shit boyfriend and he tells himself to make it up to Alexander, take him to dinner and be the doting boyfriend. Alexander will give in, will forgive him because he always does. 

John tells himself what to do but he never listens. He instead finds himself staying late at the gym, his phone probably buzzing away in his bag and he lays in the middle of the boxing ring, breathing hard and Lafayette is over him, grins down and John swears, Lafayette looks like the devil disguised as an angel, he looks fucking beautiful and John wants it.

He spreads his legs and he knows they are alone, doesn't have to wonder. Lafayette presses a foot against John's dick, light at first then applies more pressure and John gasps. His dick jumps and it's pitiful, that's what Lafayette tells him. 

"So fucking needy aren't you John, you want someone to kick the shit out of you then fuck you. So pathetic and fucked up, but you know what, i'll do that if you want. I'll fuck you up so good."

John whines and Lafayette laughs, gets down with John and yanks John's shorts down, presses two fingers to John's lips. John sucks and this is what he wants, he wants to be used, wants to feel it tomorrow. Lafayette takes his fingers away and spits on them as well, only asks once, says, "Do you want this?" 

"Fuck yes I want it," John says and it seems ridiculous of Lafayette to ask when John's already half naked and his dick is leaking onto his shirt but whatever, might as well get John's consent. It's all Lafayette needs as he presses his fingers into John, curls them up and John isn't sure if he's ever felt like this. His ass is burning and he knows he should take it slow but then Lafayette curls them up and John screams.

Lafayette almost looks concerned John thinks, goes to say something but John is reaching down and taking Lafayette's wrist in his own hand and forces himself onto Lafayette's fingers, needs all of them. Lafayette grins and leans down to John's ear, whispers, "You are such a fucking slut, I bet you do this for everyone don't you?"

John laughs and kisses Lafayette, says, "No, only for you. I don't let anyone else fuck me up."

Lafayette looks at him quizzically but doesn't say anything, just moves his fingers faster inside of John until he feels himself getting close, just presses a hand to Lafayette's chest and says, "Stop, give me your dick already, god come on." Lafayette doesn't hesitate, gets his sweatpants down and uses a little more spit to coat his dick before he's moving into John and John whimpers, grabs onto Lafayette's hair and stares at him.

Lafayette smiles and leans to kiss John, soft in comparison to his ragged and rough thrusts, just smiles and says, "You look so beautiful John. You are mine, all mine."

John doesn't argue, just holds Lafayette close and thinks, yours. He closes his eyes and allows himself the fall apart, knows Lafayette will put him back together, he always does.

__

John gets home late, way later than usual and he's prepared for the argument. Alexander isn't waiting for him on the couch like normal. John assumes he's already in bed but when John flicks on the small bedside lamp, he sees it is empty. He's already looked at his phone and read through the messages and Alexander hasn't given a sign of where he is. 

John goes back to the kitchen and looks on the fridge, sees a note taped to it and it says, 'I'm tired of this John. I'm staying somewhere else for a few days - don't call. Alex.'

John sighs and rips the note off, tosses it in the trash and grabs himself a beer. He should be mad at himself but he's not, just lays back on the couch and snarls a curse into the air.

Don't call the note says and John doesn't. 

__

John goes to the gym every day that week because fuck Alexander, fuck Lafayette, and fuck himself. He stays as long as he can and tries to avoid Lafayette, just does his own thing. He showers and throws his regular clothes on and heads to his car, Lafayette heading out of him, blocks John from getting in.

"What the fuck is going on with you?" Lafayette hisses. John feels almost terrified when he looks at Lafayette who has his teeth bared, like a dog ready to attack. 

John swallows, "Nothing. Life is just…complicated. I shouldn't have some here when I'm not fully focused."

"No you shouldn't have. Go home and rest John. Take care of your body and mind."

John wants to grin and say, do it for me, but he just nods and finds himself falling in Lafayette's arms, wants to cry but he doesn't cry. His father told his crying was for girls and he wasn't a fucking girl so stop crying and be a man. 

He just clings to Lafayette and stares up at him. Lafayette softens and presses a kiss to his forehead, says, "You should eat something. Let me come with you." John doesn't argue, just wants in his car for Lafayette to get his things and they head to a diner around the block. They sit in mostly silence, John messing with the sugar packets, re-arranging them by colors.

John wonders if it is a date. He thinks he's cheating on Alexander he should be so fucking ashamed of himself. He's not though and that's the worst part. He doesn't feel regret because he wants Lafayette and he's always gotten what he wants.

So he allows himself to eat lunch with Lafayette. He goes to Lafayette's, can't take Lafayette back to his place, no he'd see all of Alex's shit and bail. So he goes to Lafayette's nice ass apartment, stumbles in and kisses Lafayette against a decorative mirror that hangs in the hallway.

Lafayette takes him to his bedroom and he swears it's as big as his whole apartment. It's ornate and so fucking stereotypical French that John laughs. Pretentious as fuck. Lafayette raises an eyebrow and pushes John onto the bed and strips him of his clothes, checks out every bruise and cut, finds the ones that has John whimpering and presses down hard, grins when John grinds against his leg.

"You are seriously something else. Why do I put up with you?" Lafayette asks and John pulls Lafayette down, kisses Lafayette and sucks on his lower lip, lets it go and says, "You put up with me because you want this ass. So fuck me already."

Lafayette doesn't protest, just flips John to his stomach and preps him enough so he wont be bleeding after it. Fucks John into the big ass pillows, has him sobbing into sheets that probably cost too damn much. It's so damn good John thinks, this is what he has wanted in his life, this right here.

John screams into the pillows when he comes, most of it landing on the sheets and he doesn't give a fuck. Lafayette pulls out and comes on his ass, leans to kiss John's shoulder before he goes to clean up. John lays there for a few seconds before following Lafayette to the bathroom, joins him in the shower.

It's…oddly sweet John thinks. They press kisses all over each other, Lafayette washes his hair and John feels something other then wanting to just be fucked. He gives into the feelings and allows Lafayette to hold him, whispers whatever cute shit it is in French into his ear. 

John knows he's lost the fight.

__

He sees Alexander a couple of days later, he's at home when Alexander comes back and John stares at him, tosses his magazine down. Alexander walks over and sits next to John and looks at him and John feels his stomach turn. Alexander looks awful, probably hasn't slept and he should apologize, confess everything and hope that Alexander forgives him.

Alexander speaks first instead and says, "Whatever is going on with you, I can't…I can't do it John. I'm done. I'm going to move in with Hercules for awhile. Figure out what to do from here. I'm not going to be your boyfriend if you can't give me what I want."

John nods and just leans back, looks at Alexander and reaches to touch his cheek but Alexander pulls away, stands up and heads to their bedroom to grab his things, puts them in whatever bag he can find, pulls down one of the big suitcases and fills it with his stuff. 

John doesn't help, just watches at Alexander finishes and comes back, looks at John like he hopes John will beg for him to stay, tell him that they should talk about but John doesn't. He only looks at Alexander and says, "Tell Hercules I said hey."

Alexander stares and heads for the door, lets it slam behind him. John looks up at the ceiling and wonders how long he is suppose to wait before he calls Lafayette. 

__

He waits exactly two days. He doesn't call him, just asks him after they've gone a couple of rounds if he wants to hang out. John can feel his eye swelling shut and Lafayette has a nasty cut across his cheek but they are both grinning, adrenaline pumping. 

"You want me to come home with you so I can kick your ass there," Lafayette asks and John laughs. 

"Sure, we can do bare knuckles, whoever pins who can fuck the other," John says low, makes sure no one hears. Lafayette raises an eyebrow but doesn't protest.

So they go home, eat fancy French food that Lafayette orders and John lets Lafayette translate the menu. John tries his hand at French and Lafayette grins, doesn't laugh and says, "Très bien mon ami." John doesn't know what that means but it sounds nice, he likes it.

After food they strip down to their shorts and fight in the living room, John glad nothing is worth that much just in case. They both get a couple of nasty punches in, the worst landing on John's ribs and he inhales, feels the pain and fuck.

Lafayette immediately drops his hands and holds him close, whispers, "Shit I'm sorry John. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, i'm fine," John says, waving his hand at Lafayette. Lafayette doesn't listen to him, guides John to sit on the couch, presses his hand against John's rib, watches John's face change. Lafayette leans to kiss the spot and John feels his chest tighten.

Lafayette looks at him and says, "Perhaps we should get you checked out."

John shakes his head, plays with Lafayette's curls and says, "No. If it hurts tomorrow maybe but now? I want you to fuck me. i want you to fuck me up. Make me hurt okay? Leave marks on me, choke me. Do whatever you want."

It's…a lot to say and fuck he must really trust Lafayette to tell him he can do whatever he wants. Lafayette looks and nods, says, "We need a safe word. Just in case."

John thinks about it and smiles and says, "Purple." Lafayette takes him by the hand and they go to John's bedroom, pushes him to the floor, makes him sit there. John watches as Lafayette takes his belt off, wraps it around John's neck makes it tight enough that John knows it could fuck John up if he doesn't listen.

John stares up at Lafayette and spreads his legs and he knows he looks obscene. Lafayette tugs on the belt a bit and John gasps, feels his dick getting harder and Lafayette notices it too.

"You are sick John. Getting off on this pain, what would people think if they knew?" 

John snorts, "I'd say you love to beat the shit out of me so you are just as fucked up," John says and Lafayette pulls on the belt a bit harder, reminds John of who is in charge. John loves it, wants to be fucked up and used, needs it. 

(he wonders what Alexander would say if he saw John now)

John lets Lafayette tug on the belt, John aching for more, wants to touch Lafayette and to see if he could still suck his cock or not. He reaches for Lafayette's belt and feels the slap across his face. John stares at him, his face stinging and he moans at Lafayette's face.

"I didn't tell you to move. You need to listen," Lafayette says and John nods, knows he has no control right now. Lafayette pulls him up and John goes, gasps as he feels the belt tighten on the way up. Lafayette gets him on the bed and spreads John's thighs, settles between them, his hand still holding the belt.

Lafayette blows John, makes sure to tug on the belt a couple of times and John sees stars, not sure if it's the orgasm or if he's close to passing out due to lack of oxygen. He comes hard, feels it land across his own chest. He feels the grip on the belt loosen, Lafayette removing it from his neck and tossing it to the floor.

John immediately reaches down and gets Lafayette undressed, his mouth on Lafayette's cock sucking and he's so good at this, he's a good boy and he loves hearing Lafayette tell that to him. Loves the way Lafayette says it as he strokes John's hair, fingers on the back of John's neck.

It takes no more than a few minutes and Lafayette is coming in John's throat, John swallowing it down and he stares up at Lafayette. Lafayette reaches, traces his fingers over John's face and smiles, says, "You are so beautiful John."

John grins and falls to the bed and closes his eyes, feels Lafayette next to him and he curls into him, ignores the feeling the grows because he can't help but think about Alex, wonders what he is up to and he does miss him. 

He thinks about texting him, seeing if he wants to meet up but his pride is too much to handle. So John doesn't, just buries his face into Lafayette's chest and thinks, he probably doesn't deserve this at all. But maybe after everything, this is what life had in store. 

He takes it and doesn't let go.


End file.
